Welcome to Psych Bites: musings on the psychology of relationships and self-love, sprinkled with personal stories and experiences. I want to raise some practical questions and share my own personal experience that people may be able to relate to, enjoy or learn from.

In regards to dating, my grandmother told me to above all, observe. Observe everything he does. Don’t say anything—just watch. Observe everything, and that will tell you who he is.

I write for the same reason I read—to feel. It’s also the reason I love music, from country to metal and many genres in-between. It’s also the reason I love dancing, salsa, bachata, kizomba and zouk.

There’s something powerful about emotions expressed in deep or poetic sentences, on the cusp of a guitar riff, or while moving in unison, making art with another human being on the dance floor.

Emotion is what makes art compelling, what pulls our hearts into it and makes us cry or laugh or scream. And that’s why, since publishing the first book in my Naked Truth Poetry series in April, I’ve been looking to connect with readers through different mediums.

The poems and notes to lovers and friends that sew this romance series together are vulnerable, punchy and quirky, written by a normal person for other normal people who are also trying to figure out love, life, and their crazy and sometimes annoying brains, which often seem to be at war with their hearts. Also, it just so happens to be a true story—my story. It digs into faith, sex, family and psychology, getting to the root of why we latch on to relationships that can sometimes be as toxic as they are ecstatic.

I get that romance novels are about escapism, that they’re not meant to portray reality. However, I find it more frustrating than satisfying to read about things that are so predictable and far-removed from believability. Why? Because I can’t relate to them, and because of that, they don’t make me feel anything.

I read romance to feel deep things, burning, depth, passion. I want to see hearts crack open because I want to see what’s inside them. I want to see their grit, their perseverance, their strength. I want to see what who these people really are and what they’re made of. I want to see how far they’ll go and how much they’ll bend before they break. I want to see what they do what they’re shattered on the ground and how they pick themselves back up again.

Erotica is all the rage these days, ever since Fifty Shades of Grey made explicit sex scenes and taboo kinks a normal reoccurrence in modern-day erotica, also known as ‘spicy’ romance. At twenty years old, I remember standing in a Chapters store with Fifty Shades in my hands, flipping through all the dirty scenes so I could see what all the fuss was about. I never read the book cover to cover, but I had to admit, as I stood there, careful to make sure that no one could tell what I was reading, some of the kink was turning me on.